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Even though it made me feel paranoid, I found evidence of this in little things: He wanted to catch a movie instead of having dinner together.

He wanted to meet up with his friends after one drink at a bar together.

They don’t want to walk and talk unless the two of you are on the way to a movie.

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Dear Polly, This weekend, after 18 months together, my boyfriend told me that he cared very deeply for me and that we had the best partnership he’d ever experienced, but he did not love me because there was a spark missing. We’re both in our 30s and the entire thing has been kind and mature and caring (and sexy and vulnerable and honest) from the beginning.I’ve dated my share of guys who were bad partners, and this guy was a good one. I also know that he was always a little bit on the fence about letting me fully into his life.I’d like to think that there’s a difference between “I’m a good person, why won’t you date me” and “I’m a good partner, why don’t you love me,” but maybe there isn’t.I also know that the big difference between me and Nice Guy is when I get broken up with, I didn’t go, “Whyyyyyyyyyy,” I went, “Okay, that’s sad, but it’s true and right and reasonable.” (Nice Guy doesn’t know what the truth of a relationship is, and I know what the truth of a relationship is.You imply that you aren’t a weak person, you’re not crazy, you’re not fucked up, you’re evolved, you’re healthy, you have proof: Your therapist will vouch for you. A real human being with a bad attitude who’s tired of moving shit just to sit down in a motherfucker’s apartment.

You have “remarkable communication and emotional coping skills.” You’re so good at being GOOD. A woman who, after 18 months of doing everything together, doesn’t sigh and say, “Okay.

Instead, you are healthy and sane and no one will object to being a team, and when you hit month 18 you’ll (very wisely) assess the situation with your therapist: “Welp, he’s either going to pop the question or hit the road, and I need to be fully emotionally prepared for either eventuality.” Okay, this is where the record screeches to a stop. I get that you can’t put too many details in your letter, or you might be recognized.

You seriously didn’t know if he was going to say “Let’s be together forever! It makes me wonder if you’re really showing up or not. But I can’t tell from your letter whether you were madly in love with this guy. I don’t know what all of these other wishy-washy exes were like. You’re really asking me if you’re capable of being passionately loved or not. You haven’t mentioned any details or any troubles in your past relationships or any overarching flaws you might have or repeating mistakes you might have made.

He wanted to listen to the radio in the car instead of talking.

But actually, it’s a little rare, to find someone who loves you so much that he just loves to talk, talk, talk with you for hours.

And, to be honest, at my core I’m feeling a bit of relief. What is flooring me is the piece about how he didn’t love me. I went to a therapist as a preemptive measure because I knew this most recent boyfriend and I were about to have either the breakup conversation or the “let’s start taking steps toward building a life together” conversation, and I wanted to talk through how to approach both scenarios.