Being blokes it was easier writing it the way we did. Also, being on the dole gives you a clearer perspective on how much of society is run.
Real bands never get to Number One – unless they are puppets.
If you are in a band you will undoubtedly be aware of the petty squabbles and bitching that develops within them.
Of course there are those artists that have worked long and hard building personal artistic confidence, critical acclaim, a loyal following (all strong foundations) and then have a Number One, that is that crowning glory. What can be achieved when no great financial rewards or long term career prospects allowing for creative freedom can be hoped for, let alone guaranteed? If this book succeeds in becoming Bert Weedon’s “Play In A Day” for some lost month in the late eighties we will be happy. Follow this simple step by step guide: Firstly, you must be skint and on the dole.
But even then the disgruntled purists amongst the loyal following desert in disgust at having to share their private club with the unwashed masses. If anybody actually gets a Number One by following our instructions we promise them a night out with The JAMS in Madagascar. For those that might be offended please read all “he’s”, “hims” and “his”‘ as “she’s”, “hers” and “hers”‘. Anybody with a proper job or tied up with full time education will not have the time to devote to see it through.
Watch Top of the Pops religiously every week and learn from it. YOU CAN BEGIN ANY SUNDAY EVENING You can begin any Sunday evening by listening to Bruno Brookes introducing the Top 40 Show between 4pm and 7pm.
You don’t have to sit down and dissect and study it, just have it on and make the tea. You just want something that’s not going to be offensive and people are going to be happy doing business with. Check that the company name that you have chosen is still sound. You are going to have to get used to getting up earlier; no lying in until noon now.THE TIMELORDS T H E M A N U A L (HOW TO HAVE A NUMBER ONE THE EASY WAY) THE JUSTIFIED ANCIENTS OF MU MU REVEAL THEIR ZENARCHISTIC METHOD USED IN MAKING THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPEN. The prison is then complete; either the artist will be destroyed in their attempt to prove to the world that there are other facets to their creativity or they succumb willingly and spend the rest of their lives as a travelling freak show, peddling a nostalgia for those now far off, carefree days. Most never have the chance of a repeat performance and slide ungracefully into years of unpaid tax, desperately delaying all attempts to come to terms with the only rational thing to do – get a nine to five job.KLF 009B 1988 (YOU KNOW WHAT’S GONE) TEXT BY: LORD ROCK AND TIME BOY A. Even if the unsuspecting artiste doesn’t know the above, rest assured most of the record business does but for some lemming-like reason refuses to acknowledge it. THE FOREVER ANCIENTS LIBERATION LOOPHOLE KLF PUBLICATIONS, BOX 283, HP22 5BW KLF PUBLICATIONS IS A KLF COMMUNl CATIONS COMPANY KLF COMMUNICATIONS 1988 FIRST PUBUSHED 1988 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.They continue to view the act’s cheaply recorded, debut blockbuster as striking gold and will spend the next few years pumping fortunes into studio time, video budgets and tour support whilst praying for a repeat of the miracle and the volume album sales that bring in the real money.After that do whatever you do on a Sunday evening but before you go to sleep that night you are going to have to come up with a name for your record company. From now on every time you telephone someone on business remember to give them your name and the company you are from (even though it’s only you). People waste a lot of time, effort and money having stationery produced when getting a new business off the ground.