“Guys aren’t traditional the way they used to be,” she explained. Apart from her admittedly terrible taste in television, Christy is a completely eligible bachelorette. You could ask her about her job in the public health field, but she’d rather tell you about the time she spent in Africa building clean-water communities. But, for those living in NYC, she’s one of a growing population of young women unable to meet someone in a city brimming with young hopefuls. ”Christy thinks people in the Big Apple have a very specific problem: “It’s like New Yorkers have Peter Pan syndrome,” she said, speaking to the ways we date a ton but don’t find many actual relationships.
“Women have kind of taken control of their dating lives. You know, not seeing someone past the fourth date or when those texts fizzle into radio silence. Christy’s tried Tinder, but found that, while she was open to dating, her matches were less so. She's met plenty of people through her job and social outings, but it’s still not working.
He was in his early 30s, and it was easy to see why Swider had selected him for her client pool: friendly, smart, funny, attractive — who wouldn’t want to meet him?
“You have to approach dating the same way you would a job: networking,” she said.I asked her what she looks for when she scans the room.Still, I thought these guys would look uncomfortable when Swider dropped the M-bomb, or at least do that standoffish thing when they’re trying to look cool in front of other guys. It became clearest to me why New Yorkers are in need of TDR when I met Greg*, who happened to be at the networking event.Swider discovered him through a referral (Goldstein says about 80% of TDR clients are through referrals) and had set him up with some of her clients.They’re not just waiting around for a guy,” added Swider. “I date guys who are nice and smart, but there’s no spark.”If you’ve done any kind of online dating, Swider’s questions probably feel familiar to you.
For the initial consultation — which comes free of both cost and pressure — Swider asked Christy*, a very cool client who agreed to let me sit in on their meeting, a lot of questions. But, the benefit of having a human asking these questions is that you get a chance to explain that which you cannot communicate by ticking boxes on a list.
So, Swider brought me to the networking event, at this nondescript Chelsea office building, to see her in action.
Rather than set up gatherings herself, she’ll head to other organizations’ happy hours and business events after meeting with clients all day to source her match pool.
And, these events are a great way to find gainfully employed, passionate, driven people.
Plus, it’s an environment where strangers are expected to approach one another for conversation and exchange information.
But, there is also a real-life person (in New York, that’s Swider) you can hire to go out into the world and meet people for you.