Muslim community leaders are taking notice and some are calling it an epidemic.
Shuyookh with large social media following often bring up the topic on their timelines.
“That is, something they do after they have all their other ducks in a row, rather than a foundation for launching into adulthood and parenthood.” Surveys conducted by Al Maghrib Institute of its student body found that the main reasons that its students were delaying marriage were parents, finances, education, fear of rejection and commitment for men and fear of control and intimidation for women. In the meanwhile, women wait for proposals and decide to pursue further education while they are waiting.
This, in turn, intimidates men more and they think the women are too overqualified or will not make good ‘Muslim’ wives for them and eventually get married to someone from overseas,” says Shaykh Yaser Birjas of Al Maghrib.
Men and women who really want to get married often face a myriad of issues in finding a good match.
The issues are as diverse as the American Muslim community scattered all over the country.
Culturally, American society as a whole is seeing this trend of delayed marriages.
“Young adults have increasingly come to see marriage as a ‘capstone’ rather than a ‘cornerstone,'” say the researchers at the Brookings Institute.
“‘Oh my God, she wants to be married, she is so desperate – astagfirullah…’ this popular statement comes mostly from married females when a single Muslimah shares with her that she wants to be married!! it’s like, as a community, we don’t have each other’s back anymore,” laments Naeema*.
“Now, it became a taboo for a Muslimah to say ‘I want to get married’,” says Denise*. Women are being told that they are desperate, weak, and can’t control themselves.” The delaying of the American adolescence experience or the new emerging adulthood stage has also contributed to the delay in marriage, especially, with the high school experience extended by local community colleges.
According to the New York Times, in 1960, 77 percent of women and 65 percent of men had, by the time they reached 30, passed all five [what sociologists term as] milestones of adulthood: completing school, leaving home, becoming financially independent, marrying and having a child.
Among 30-year-olds in 2000, according to data from the United States Census Bureau, fewer than half of the women and one-third of the men had done so.
There is an extraordinary number of very educated women in their thirties and above who have not found a spouse.