Volatile avoidant validating hostile

The following five questions -- that you can ask yourself -- illustrate how to adopt a I was reading an article online about the 10 best beaches to visit.It had been a stressful day at work and I was feeling irritated because yet another snowstorm was on its way. As he took off his coat, I told him that I thought we should go to one of the exotic locations featured in the article. I replied that he is never willing to spend money on anything fun.

But the positivity must outweigh the negativity by five to one.

If you are worried about the future of your marriage or relationship, you have plenty of company.

When a couple talks around a problem, or jumps around among multiple problems, or does not listen to each other, out comes anger or resentment.

But effective communication by a couple brings greater emotional intimacy as well as sexual and relationship satisfaction. John Gottman, studied and labeled Communication with a partner always matters, but never more than when conflict happens.

I called him a cheapskate, stormed away, and went out to meet a friend.

I might have waited to talk to him about the beach trip -- not right after he walked in the door.

Consider a recent conflict you and your partner experienced or one that occurs regularly.

As an example, imagine a conflict about whether to spend some of your mutual savings on a beach trip.

What makes the numbers even more disturbing is that no one seems to understand why our marriages have become so fragile.

In pursuit of the truth about what tears a marriage apart or binds it together, I have found that much of the conventional wisdom--even among marital therapists--is either misguided or dead wrong.

Wondering if marital typologies also include personality types as individiuals which, as a basis for interaction, is likely to produce the "type" of relationship produced between two people trying to be, and maintain their status as a couple throughout their lives through all of the ups and downs, i.e., thrills and stresses, of what constitutes two whole lives.